Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
