She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
