It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
