Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
