I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
