there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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