awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
