he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
