we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
it's like iHOP with fire
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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