I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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