The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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