Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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