We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
