there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
