Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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