I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
You're a waste of cheezeits
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
