Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
The beer is more important than you right now.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
