I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
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