Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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