you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
