There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
