gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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