'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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