I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
