margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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