hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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