People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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