Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize