We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Never joke about your clitoris.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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