he was CRYING into my vagina
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize