Plan B is the new Plan A
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
