That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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