dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
