He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
