sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize