Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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