I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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