Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Randomize
