I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
