I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
