Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
