you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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