If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
