Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
