It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
