I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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