I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
