It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
