I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize