I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
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