bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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