did you get engaged???
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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