Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
