if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I'm always down for nudity.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
