I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
