so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
