her vagina looked like bernie madoff
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
