So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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