I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
