I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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