I wish I could punch you in the face.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Houston, we have a squirter
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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