Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Randomize
