Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
