thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
