i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
dude i'm inner monologue high
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
