Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
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