hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Randomize
