the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
