Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Randomize