i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
