Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
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